In my little country town, I've noticed several mums at the school gates are showing off their puppies. And I'm not talking bazookas, lady lumps or jubblies. It would be most entertaining if they did, but sadly I don't think that would happen.
There have been 4 new dogs in as many weeks. They get far more attention and cooing than the newborn babies. What's going on? Surely they couldn't be a fashion accessory? The new Orla Kiely scarf perhaps? In the UK we've seen the cast of Towie, the cast of Made in Chelsea, Pixie Geldoff, Kelly Brook, Billie Piper, Coleen Rooney, all sporting fashion pups. But somehow I doubt that the average White Company wearing mum of this town wouldn't want to model themselves on Gemma Collins.
No, I think this is a middle aged thing. A middle aged mum thing to be more precise. More along the lines of Sharon Osbourne and Oprah.
These mums all have children who are growing up fast. 9 year olds and above. They have children with their own opinions, with their own agenda on a Saturday and Sunday. They no longer want to drag round Tescos with mum, they want to hang out at the skate park with their friends, or go round each other's houses and play on the wii. It's all very natural and all good development towards eventual independence. But what about the poor mums who are left behind? I think they're feeling the empty nest syndrome early. Where's the unconditional love? It's now developed conditions such as do you give them enough pocket money and enough time on the ipad?
I think these puppy clutching mums aren't so barking after all. Dogs sound far more appealing than growing kids and here's why...
1. Dogs want to be with you as often as possible, not with their friends.
2. Dogs don't want to sit on the computer all day.
3. Dogs aren't too old to be cuddled and never too old to sit on your lap.
4. Dogs don't argue back.
5. Dogs are so excited to see you when you come home from work.
6. Dogs don't need clothing, or the latest trainers.
7. Dogs will do anything to please you.
8. A well trained dog will obey all your commands.
9. Dogs will eat whatever you put in front of them.
10. Dogs don't care how bad you look and aren't embarrassed to be seen with you.
As wise as he is beautiful, Johnny Depp was once said "The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants".
So, am I going to get a cute little puppy to love and worship me back? Am I hell, I've had enough picking poo off the floor for one life time, thanks.